Smart Pranks
by SillyKwado
Summary: Alfred and Arthur were famous throughout the school for not getting along. Even though the two history teachers and had to set an example for the students, they still ended up resorting to petty pranks and arguments. For some reason, the two always found something to argue about or a new way to rile the other up. But perhaps there's a deeper meaning to the pranks and insults… USUK!


Alfred and Arthur were famous for not getting along. It was a known fact throughout the entire school, among teachers and students. Still, nobody even bothered to try and separate them. Why? Because it was hilarious when the two teachers of history bickered over the most meaningless things.

Every student wanted to get into at least one of their classes. Although they don't actively disrupt the learning, there will be a snide remark every now and then. It was pure entertainment and seriously some of the best classes.

"You git!" Arthur exclaimed during the 5 minute passing period. He came out of his classroom fuming as Alfred stood by his own classroom looking innocent. "You purposely did that!"

Oh yeah, their classrooms happen to be right next to each other too.

"What did I do?" Alfred asked blinking confused.

"You messed with the projector! Now everything I put up is upside down!"

"Well, that sounds like something _you'd_ do, not me. Unlike you, I know how to work the tech in my classroom.," Alfred said nonchalantly.

Arthur turned red, and ignored the students that have gathered to watch. "It's on the bleeding ceiling! How could I mess with it!?"

"Knowing you, you found some way to screw it up."

"No. You go in there and fix whatever _you_ messed up," Arthur ordered pointing to his room.

"How do you know it was even me? You have no proof!" Alfred said offended.

Arthur growled in frustration. "You- I- You imbec-..." It was then two teachers noticed the large and highly amused crowd that had gathered around them.

Arthur bit his lip. "I'll get you, Jones."

"Don't expect me to hold my breath," Alfred muttered back.

* * *

Arthur was in the middle of explaining the formation of the European Union when the door slammed open literally.

"Kirkland!" Alfred shouted angrily. "You- you-!"

"I, I...?" Arthur said with a raised eyebrow..

"You messed with them!" Alfred screeched.

"Messed with what?" Arthur asked innocently, trying to hold back his smirk.

"My maps!" Alfred squeaked. "You menace! You changed my maps to stupid England!"

"Excuse you, England is the greatest country in the world," Arthur said stubbornly, putting his hand on his hips. "Besides you have no proof," he mocked.

Alfred gaped for a second before crying, "You're the only British teacher in the school! You Anglo-maniac!"

"You make it sound as if being British is a bad thing!"

"Well, it's no America..."

"Thank god for that."

The two teachers glared at each other for a few minutes, ignoring their students' snickers.

"Better watch your back, Kirk-brows," Alfred said cryptically before going back to his own room.

"Oi! It's Kirkland, you brat!"

* * *

Alfred was covering the three branches of the American government system to his senior U.S. Government class when the door slammed open. Alfred blinked at Arthur who was standing there red-faced with his entire class snickering behind him.

Quickly, Alfred went through a checklist in his head of the things that he's done recently to piss off the other history teacher, but nothing came up. He had been a good neighbor recently.

"Um…" Alfred started but was cut off.

"I- I, oh bloody hell," Arthur muttered, still completely red. "I bloody love American history!"

Alfred blinked once and then blinked again, as the students from both classes erupted in laughter. Arthur huffed and crossed his arms with an embarrassed glare.

"Um… what… just happened…?" Alfred asked with a head-tilt, as the students in his class were still falling off their seats and dying of laughter. Alfred felt like he was definitely missing something here.

"I promised my class that I'd say that if they all got A's on their tests," Arthur muttered, not making eye-contact. "How was I supposed to know that they'd actually all get it? Next time I do that, I'm making the test harder."

"Right…"

"Don't get me wrong," Arthur started with his color returning to normal and a serious stare in Alfred's direction. "I still think America is just filled with a bunch of melodramatic puritans."

Alfred frowned. "Didn't the puritans come from England though?"

"Don't change the subject!"

Alfred thought about it for a second before saying, "Um, I wasn't changing the subject…?"

But Arthur was already ushering his class back into the adjacent classroom.

* * *

Arthur was in the back of the classroom, helping a student with a question. The class was quietly working on their assignment.

Then suddenly-

"Arthur!"

Arthur snapped his head up to the door in shock.

Of course, it was Alfred. Who else?

But this time he was wearing some cheap Native American headdress with black smudges across his cheeks. He looked ridiculous.

"I have to borrow something!" he exclaimed as he ran over to Arthur's desk and started rooting through the drawers.

Arthur tried to quickly make his way to the front of the room to stop whatever Alfred was doing. "Oi! What are you-"

"Aha! Found it!" Alfred said triumphantly as he ran out of the room with Arthur's tea.

"H-hey! Give that back!" Arthur cried, running after him.

After tripping over one of his student's backpacks, he went to the US History room just in time to see Alfred dump his entire box of tea packets into a bucket of water.

"Y-you… my tea! My… dumped… you…" Arthur was so angry he was shaking. He didn't even know what to say because he was still in shock.

"Yes, Mr. Kirkland?" Alfred asked with a sly smirk.

Arthur regained his composure and yelled, "You idiot! You better pay me back for that! All that precious tea – wasted!"

Alfred smiled and turned back to his class. "And _that_ was how the Boston Tea Party happened."

Arthur turned a furious shade of red and stomped back to his classroom, muttering angrily the entire way back.

* * *

"-and it would ultimately reduce the powers of the kings of England, any questions?" Arthur looked at the absolute boredom on his students' faces. Well, maybe one of them had absorbed something at least. "Great, so the Magna Carta of 1215 was-"

_Bang!_

Arthur looked at the blackboard behind his back with wide, confused eyes – which was also the direction of Alfred's room.

_Bang! Bang!_

Something was pounding against the blackboard from Alfred's side.

"What the bloody hell is going on over there?" he wondered to himself, as his class snickered.

He shook his head and continued with his lecture until- _Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang!_

Arthur was getting annoyed. He was already behind in this lesson, and refused to get any further behind because of Alfred F. Jones!

Arthur stalked up to the blackboard, and pounded on it with his fist while yelling, "Stop making that racket, Jones!"

The response was five more bangs, louder and more deliberate.

Arthur growled and hit the board six more times, which was returned with seven. This continued to go on, until the P.A. system came online, the principal's voice echoing throughout the entire school.

"_Mr. Jones, Mr. Kirkland, please report to my office – _now._"_

The resounding "oooh"s could be heard from students and teachers alike across the entire building.

* * *

Alfred paused in his speech about the wonders of American history when he heard cheers coming from the other side of the blackboard. He looked at the direction of Arthur's room with confusion.

"Well, someone's having fun…"

He tried to continue when the other classroom erupted into laughter. Now, he knew Arthur wasn't _that_ funny. Curiosity getting the better of him, he headed towards the door.

"Stay," he told his class just before he left.

Alfred peeked his head into the other's classroom, and his mouth ran dry at what he saw.

Arthur was dressed head-to-toe in a full pirate's outfit. He was stopped talking to his class as his spotted Alfred, and brandished his sword towards him.

"Mistah Jones! 'Ow nice o' yea t' join us! I was jus' explainin' ta these here wee minds about England's glorious defeat o' the Spanish Armada! Would ye like t' add anythin'?"

Alfred blinked and smiled a bit at Arthur's display. "Um, not really."

"Arr ye sure?"

"Yep, pretty sure."

Arthur nodded. "Good. Now, gae out before I string ye up by yer innards."

Alfred put up his hands in amusement and backed out slowly. "Okay, okay. Just try to keep it down, Capt'n. Some of us are tryin' to teach normally here."

Arthur blushed and waved his sword as a "Go on, get out already" motion.

* * *

The social studies department had the same lunch shift and, while Alfred usually ate lunch in the teachers' lounge, Arthur usually ate in his room and graded or read. This was a fairly good arrangement and meant that the other teachers could eat in peace. However, there are some days that were not quite so normal...

Alfred walked into the lunch room with his Avengers lunch box in hand only to stop in the doorway.

Arthur Kirkland was sitting in his spot - his exact spot. The same place he ate at every day. It had a great view of the door and a large window next to it, and it was also a bit secluded. Nobody ever sat there but Alfred, except for today.

Alfred felt anger flare up inside of him and quickly went over to plop right down next to Arthur. He was trying to make him uncomfortable.

The room went quiet as the other teachers noticed that the two most unagreeable history teachers were sitting right next to each other. Arthur slowly looked up from his book as he felt the other's presence.

They looked at each other for a long moment - Alfred challenging the other and Arthur extremely confused.

"Can I help you?" Arthur asked breaking the silence.

"Yeah, you're in my spot," Alfred said haughtily, nodding towards the chair Arthur was sitting on.

The Englishman blinked as it sunk in. "Really?" He said in disbelief. "Do these chairs have names on them or something? Christ, what are we - in preschool?"

Alfred paused. "Highschool, actually."

"Hm touché."

"But anyways, that chair may as well have my name on it! I sit in it every day! Besides, you never eat in here!"

Arthur rolled his eyes. "Well, as you so often like to remind me, it's a 'free country'."

Alfred gaped. "You're not even American!"

"Excuse you, I have dual citizenship."

Alfred had nothing to say to that so he returned to his food and angrily started munching on his sandwich while staring straight ahead. Stupid Arthur and his stupid smarts...

Then he heard Arthur take a loud crunch out of... something. Curious, Alfred slowly leaned over a bit to see what exactly was in Arthur's lunch. He didn't really know if it was a British-thing or an Arthur-thing but, whatever it was, it was lumpy and black. Alfred blanched. What in the world was Arthur eating!? It looked poisonous! And when Arthur lifted up the thing, it left a chalky black spot where it had sat.

Arthur noticed Alfred staring at him with a horrified expression. "What?" He snapped irritably.

"What is that!?" Alfred cried recoiling back a bit in his seat.

"It's a scone," Arthur said with an eyeroll. "Don't you Americans ever bother to learn about cuisine other than fast food?"

Alfred ignored that last comment and said, "No, I know scones, and _that_ is not a scone."

Arthur looked offended. "Excuse you, I made these myself! And I know for a fact that they are scones!"

Alfred still looked doubtful and Arthur sighed and looked at his lunch bag. He grabbed another scone out of the container and shoved it towards Alfred.

"Here, try it."

Alfred paled. He was going to be sick. The thing looked even more disgusting up close. Sure, Arthur might've been immune but Alfred knew that this wasn't healthy for really _anyone_ to eat.

"Um... no thanks." Alfred said, pushing the thing away with the capped end of his pen.

Arthur frowned.

"Don't insult my cooking if you won't even man up to try it, for Christ's sake."

This time Alfred frowned. He didn't like being called weak. He glanced at the blackened thing. Oh, it looked really bad... But he needed to prove Arthur wrong. So, ever so slowly, he took the thing, closed his eyes, and flinched as he bit into it.

It was like biting into a crispy-burnt, flaky rock. The outside was a heavily smokey flavor that made him want to cough and brought tears to his eyes. On the other hand, the inside was gooey and undercooked.

It was amazing...

Alfred had never tasted anything so great in his life. The two completely different textures made the scone interesting to eat (even though he was pretty sure a scone wasn't supposed to be like that). Although it was bland, the smoky outside and the sweetness of the dough inside made up for it. Sure, there could be improvements made to add just a bit of extra flavoring but it was perfect. It was horribly wonderful.

Alfred opened his eyes and found the entire room staring at him in complete shock (Arthur's cooking was known throughout the entire school apparently). Arthur was waiting expectantly for a response as well as everyone else.

Alfred looked down at the delicious scone in his hand. God, he wanted the rest right now. Instead, he wrapped it up in his napkin and said, "Definitely the worst thing I've ever tasted."

Arthur frowned and looked away while the other teachers in the room relaxed and went back to their normal conversations. Alfred took that time to slip the napkin unnoticed into his pocket.

* * *

It was Halloween and the school was covered in decorations… but that was nothing in comparison to the History hallway.

Every year, Arthur and Alfred had an unofficial competition to see who can create the best door. And, with every year, it becomes more and more elaborate. And by elaborate, that means the door, the entire outer wall, and the inside of the classroom… with a "small" prank to the other teacher thrown in.

Arthur has been planning his revenge since last year's firefighter incident… let's just say it involved lots of water and an extremely pissed off Arthur.

This year was a ghost theme for Arthur's room… oh yes, it will be perfect.

"Okay, places," he whispered to his class as he nodded to one of his students who was dressed for the part.

Arthur straightened his costume and smirked before he stepped out of the room.

~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~

Alfred was walking around the room, explaining his special Halloween lesson he does every year about the Salem Witch Trials.

The students always say they liked this lesson every year, so he continued to teach it.

Then suddenly the light turned out plunging the room into darkness (the blinds of the windows had been regrettably shut to "set the atmosphere" for the lesson) and the door creaked open ever so slowly. Tears sprung to Alfred's eyes from fear, but he had to be brave for his students.

Besides, he knew it was Arthur.

He quickly went to the front and turned on the light switch and jumped out into the hall, only to see… nothing. Kirkland's door was shut. Confused, Alfred went over and knocked on the other's door before popping his head in.

Arthur paused in his teaching and looked over at Alfred with an annoyed expression. "Jones, what do you want? Can't you see I'm in the middle of a lesson as _you_ should be?"

Alfred narrowed his eyes. "Well, I would be if you didn't interrupt it."

"What do you mean? I haven't even left this classroom. You can ask any of my students," Arthur said with a wave to his students, who were watching the two teachers amused.

Alfred narrowed his eyes at all of them before slowly backing out of the room and saying, "I'm watching you." Arthur just rolled his eyes and went back to his own special lesson on Jack the Ripper.

Approximately 10 minutes later, the lights turned out in Alfred' room again and this time a _thump_ followed.

He quickly went over a turned on the lights to see if he can catch Arthur in the act, only to just barely stop a scream from escaping. There was a bloodied handprint on the window of his door!

Now, Arthur has gone too far!

Alfred willed away his tears and shaking as he yanked open the door to Arthur's room. The other teacher was pointing to the powerpoint slide pulled up and talking animatedly about his subject, but paused when he noticed Alfred.

"Bloody hell, man. What are you doing?"

Alfred didn't say anything but glared.

Arthur huffed annoyed and said, "What?"

"Stop it."

"Stop what? Teaching? That's not very professional, is it?"

"You know what I mean, Arthur," Alfred said lowly. "The lights… the handprint…"

Arthur raised an eyebrow. "What are you talking about? Are you haunted? Maybe it's the ghost of that one girl – Abigail Williams?" He snorted.

Alfred shivered. "S-shut up! It's not her!" And he quickly fled back to the safety of his own classroom before Arthur could reply.

5 minutes before the bell would ring signaling the end of class, the room lights went out again. Alfred had earlier reopened the blinds of the windows so there was some natural light, even if it was cloudy outside. He quickly looked over as the door creaked open again.

"_Missster Jonessssss…_" came the voice of the girl that stood there in the doorway. She was wearing a puritan outfit and her eyes were red! A-and there was blood all over her!

Alfred's bloody curling scream was heard from the other side of the school.

~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~

"Come on out, Alfred," Arthur said knocking on the stall door with a giggle. He was still recovering from his large laughing fit earlier.

"Nuh uh!" Alfred hiccupped from the other side.

Arthur rolled his eyes. "Come on lad, it was just a joke. She was just one of my students."

Alfred just whimpered in response.

"Now, get out of there. The next class period has already started and I'm not teaching your class for you."

Alfred sniffled and cried, "I'm never teaching that lesson again!"

Arthur rolled his eyes in exasperation and massaged the bridge of his nose. Maybe, using Abigail Williams wasn't the best idea…

* * *

"Alfred fucking Jones..." Arthur muttered in barely contained anger. That man was getting on his last nerve.

"Jones!" He bellowed as he stalked into the other's classroom. Alfred looked up shocked as the angry Brit stormed in before school even started. "This charade has gone on long enough!"

"Whoa, what charade? What are you talking about?" Alfred asked, putting his hands up into the air innocently.

The students who were coming into the classroom wisely skirted away from the two teachers, opting to watch from the opposite sides.

"My lesson plans," Arthur growled, barely containing his anger. "Give them back."

"What? I don't have them."

"_Jones-_"

"Honest! Are ya sure you just didn't lose them?" Alfred honestly looked concerned (and a bit scared for his life), but Arthur had looked everywhere for those plans. He just doesn't lose them willy-nilly.

"I'm absolutely positive," Arthur grounded out. "They were on my desk when I went to the printers, and when I came back they were gone."

"Magic trick?" Alfred asked with a grin, but at Arthur's dark glare his smile faltered. "Or, uh, maybe a student took them? Look, you can check but I don't have them."

Arthur gave a glance around suspiciously. Then he nodded at the other history teacher and went back to his own classroom.

When Arthur had left, Alfred innocently turned to his class with a grin and held up a notebook with a wink. Then he walked over to the neighboring classroom where Arthur was trying to gather his class's attention.

"Oh, uh, Artie?" Alfred asked innocently, gaining the attention of the class and said teacher. He held up the notebook. "Just kidding~!"

At Arthur's enraged face, Alfred slowly set the notebook carefully on the floor, before fleeing to the other side of the school as fast as he could with a cursing Brit behind him.

* * *

It was documentary day in Arthur's British History class. After his unit on colonization, Arthur would show the same VCR tape - a documentary on the glory of the British Empire. Everyone knew about this day, even Alfred, it was no secret. So Arthur really should have seen this coming.

He took out the pre-rewound tape that said "The British Empire" on the label and stuck it into the player. VCR was so much easier than DVD and all of its buttons. He fast forwarded it to the beginning of the documentary and turned off the lights. Then he went to an empty desk in the back. And every year, as punctual as was documentary day, Arthur fell asleep. For some reason Arthur cannot stay awake during that film, and he's tried everything to help keep him up - even coffee! (Which was horrible by the way.)

This year, however, Arthur woke up in the middle of the documentary when it was talking about the colonies in America. Although he almost fell right back to sleep again, he was shocked awake when the film switched over to another one. It wasn't the documentary any more but rather The Patriot!

Who else could have done it rather than Mister Patriotism himself?

Arthur was furious. That bloody idiot dared to tape over his favourite documentary!? He stalked up to the front as the class was laughing at the switch, and turned it off, earning a collective "aww" from the class.

Then he stomped over to the adjacent classroom. Without knocking he opened the door and walked in.

"Jones!" Arthur yelled. "I cannot believe you ruined my tape!"

Alfred, the ass, just laughed. "Relax Artie-"

Arthur's face turned redder as he said, "Don't call me that!"

But the other teacher just ignored him. "-That one was a copy. I have the original right here." And he held up Arthur's tape.

Arthur's posture relaxed slightly but he still looked a bit angry. "Give it back."

"Hmmm..." Alfred made a huge gesture of thinking causing his class to laugh. "What would you give me in return?"

"Wha-? Nothing! You stole my tape from me! I don't owe you anything!"

"Nah, you have to owe me something..." Alfred trailed off trying to think of something Arthur could do., but at Arthur's expression he gave in. "Okay, okay. I'll tell you what, I'll give you the tape now, but you still owe me something."

Arthur, seeing no other way around it and wanting to just quickly return to his class, said, "Within reason!"

"Fine, you owe me something within reason. Deal?"

The Brit sighed. "Deal."

(In all honesty, Alfred took the documentary home one day, watched it to see what all the hype was about, and thought it need some American independence.)

* * *

"Arthur! I finally thought of something!" Alfred cried from down the other side of the history hallway a few days after the documentary day incident.

He quickly ran over to Arthur, students and teachers paused in their passing period to watch in amusement, and said excitedly, "Go on a date with me!"

Arthur stopped breathing for a few moments due to shock then regained his composure. "What! Absolutely not!"

Alfred's face fell. "Why not? You said you owed me. We made a deal!"

Arthur crossed his arms and glared. "If I recall correctly, we said 'within reason' and this certainly is not."

"But, but! How!?"

Arthur rolled his eyes. He was starting to get annoyed of everyone's stares from the crowded hallway. "Look, I'm not going on a date with you and that's final!" With that, he quickly went into his classroom, closing the discussion.

But Alfred saw that bright blush that settled on the other's cheeks, and knew he would get the stuffy Brit on that date eventually.

* * *

"Now usually I don't like work-relationships, but there's no rule against it either. However, I do expect you to be professional about it. We are all adults here and we have an example to set for our students as well. We should be mature enough to know what's appropriate during and outside of school hours." The principal paused to glare at her fellow teachers. She had been ranting for nearly 5 minutes during the school's large teacher meeting. "I don't like talking about this, but apparently it needs to be said." She paused again. "So, next time one of you feel the… need to... alleviate your… urges, then wait until you are home. No one wants to know about your _deeply _personal lives and we can't have our students scarred for life." Some teachers chuckled lightly. The principal took a deep breath before continuing. "But in all seriousness, do wait until you are out of the building. The school is still a professional workplace and I expect it to be treated as such. Next time this happens, I will _not_ be so lenient."

The principal gave a long pause, again, glaring at the silent teachers. She let her words sink in for a moment before continuing on, "Now, on to the next topic…"

A hand shot up, cutting her off. "Yes, Mister Łuks… Łuka… er, Felix? " She still couldn't pronounce that damned name…

"Like, who was it?" The usually timid pole asked with a smirk. Some teachers giggled and others just smiled and nodded their heads, wanting to know just as bad.

The principal shook her head. "I can't say that. But it's not important, they know who tell are. And they (hopefully) know not to do it again."

"It is too important!" Another teacher, Elizaveta Héderváry, cried out dramatically.

"Ah, amour~ How wonderful~" Francis said dreamily.

"Hey, what's wrong with us knowing?" Mathias, the physics teacher, added into the chaos that was starting to unfold.

"Shut up, Dane," Lukas said, rolling his eyes.

"Yeah, I totally agree! It must be something good for a speech like that!" another giggled out.

By now the room has gone completely out of control. The principal tried to reign in the room, but the teachers are really sometimes worse than the students they teach.

"I'm awesome!"

"Is it some confidential secret? Who was it!?"

"Kol kol kol."

"Wait, I still wanna know!"

"You haveta tell us!"

"I'm hungry!"

The principal massaged the bridge of her nose for a moment, trying to fend off the headache. Then she looked up and glared at the two silent teachers quietly sitting innocently next to each other in the back.

Alfred smiled at the principal and gave a little wave, while Arthur blushed guiltily and looked away, refusing to make eye contact with her. That didn't stop them from keeping their hands linked together.

At least, they're not arguing anymore… right?

* * *

A/N

Well, hope you liked it! I don't even remember where I came up with this idea, but I think it just came to me one day... plus I miss writing USUK.

I'm almost done with a bunch of other things (Waterloo, a GerIta, USUK, and a bunch of DenNors)... I just need to buckle down and finish them. But school's taking such a toll on me (especially that horrible Japanese class!) that I feel like sometimes the weekends are the only time I have any free time, if that! But oh well. Last semester of college... I'll live...

I have a few requests for some of my friends that I eventually want to get to as well, including a HongIce spinoff for "Do You Believe in Magic" that someone requested... we'll see because I haven't even started that one.

Anyways! Hope you liked this story! Thanks for reading! :D Tell me what you think!


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